PE~Series of comments to one of my friends messages lead to this post, We both found it to be mind stirring~
Read it, comment it, share it with others, life it might be nasty, but is worth living it!
BP~Dedication is very crucial in anything we do~and is often not TAUGHT~dedication once taught needs to be nurtured~most do not have the patience to teach much less be dedicated~
B P, Aug 16, 2009
BP~I wish I had had this kind of dedication about my dreams instead of loosing them at 8 years of age due to childhood trauma~
B P, Aug 16, 2009
BP~THOUGH I DO HAVE THE DEDICATION NOW ABOUT SURVIVAL~and TEACHING OTHERS HOW TO DO THE SAME~
B P, Aug 16, 2009
Ok BP, just tell the story about your childhood trauma, it might help you know others had similar past problems, and found ways out.
You tell your story, we try to help.
Rule of thumb;
You must be dumb enough to start, and smart enough to bring it to good end!
Emil.
Aug 16, 2009
BP~Well Pop I'll give it shot:
I am (B)S P~YES indeed it has been a hell of a ride~
Amazing how I felt about all this 2 years ago and how I feel now.
Pop it is not as much of the Trauma that occurred at the age of eight, it is more of what that trauma created in me~& the events that occurred and continue to occur beyond it.
I am the third of three girls, the little boy Pop never had so to speak. POP & I were...close so very close~Vicki & Sandra are my DEAR sisters. & my Mom Sophia was a Ellie Mae type (from The Beverly Hillbilly's) just as beautiful in a raggedy pair of jeans as she was in an evening gown. SHE SCREAMED CLASS. Both parents were from the poor mountains of Kentucky and both parents lost their fathers in cole mining accidents at an early age. BUT it is because of my family and friends ALL of them....That I was able to cope and overcome this thing called life.
I believe I came into this earth with a dancing smile and a singing joy to survive.......My Mom and Dad moved to FL just as I was born and we became heavily involved in the church. I remember singing Jesus loves me this I know, the patten shoes and matching purse with the little white straw hat I wore for Easter~pictures and picnics....
It is around the ages 7, 8 and 9 that I have a blurr~even my teachers from those years I have to struggle to remember...This was when GOD~JESUS~RELIGION~TRUST~FAITH~HOPE~was stripped form my core.
B P, Aug 17, 2009
I was raped at the age of 8 by a church photographer in a church & blocked it from memory for 10 years. Mom hide it from Pop for fear he would kill the guy and Mom being a hillbilly from KY back then these things were not discussed so Mom nursed me & allowed me to block it from memory. Her mind said that was the best thing to do........
This was when my INNER SELF MY DREAMS MY HOPES MY LITTLE GIRL WAS LOST>>>>>SOCIETY JUST DOES NOT HAVE A CLUE HOW THIS AFFECTS THE THOUGHT PROCESS NOR HOW COMMON THIS PROBLEM IS~
It was on or about the age of seventeen I began to have the flashbacks & nightmares.....It was of a third story church Sunday school class room. I had clear visions of the elevator, the room, the tables, and even the chaulk board I used to hide behind......
As I drove by the church the fears would flood my thoughts and Pain would overwhelm my heart....It took 6 to 8 tries of talking & describing to Mom telling her my memories and the very moment I ran into the house screaming Mommy he hurt me.....Mommy he hurt me.... before she finally realized I was GOING TO REMEMBER.....We never really discussed it much after that and even Pop was never told till Mom's passing in 1987. nearly 17 years later.
I now have two amazing I MEAN AMAZING grown kids, WE ARE SO CLOSE~ My daughter has my three wonderful grandsons. I am now married to my third hubby for the second time T. Well T he is my other child lol~THE LAUGHTER FOR MY SOUL~
B P, Aug 17, 2009
I experienced cancer and death with both of my parents 1987(Mom):-x & Pop in 2004:-x. I was with Mom & Dad weeks up to and during their deaths this to was something I tried to tell my family was coming. and ended up being the only one who enjoyed the departures because of this I MEAN ENJOYED THE DEPARTURES MAN WHAT A JOY IT WAS EACH TIME. With the death of my father I was present in the LIGHT of the Passing. Because of this experience I do not know about life after death BUT I CAN VOUCH THAT THERE IS LIGHT AT DEATH~~~~~TRULY AMAZING IT WAS~I was in a major car accident at the age of 18 hitting the dash board with the entire right side walking away thinking no damage was done and now suffer great muscle and back pain with Migraines because of this and the many trials life tends to bring us ALL. I experienced the Flint river flood 1990 which swallowed the entire town and I watched as the elderly & entire families lost all that they had and helped them to build their homes & hearts again. I had three of the four hurricanes over my house in FL In 2004 and then a sink hole took that home from me & probably played a major part in my 3rd Divorce. ALL while still searching for that little girl...
B P, Aug 17, 2009
I have always had very sunny spirit while being very head strong. I am a left & a right brain thinker. I have done everything from a Vets office plant nursery, car detailer, car dealer hostess & or selling cars, secretarial, Aerobics Instructor, Trainer & 1 month from a Professional Body Building Career before having to move and give it up..... I was and TRULY LOVED being a Home builder. I worked at a Day care with 19 three year old FABULOUS KIDS alone WHILE GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE & 8 month Custody Battle....WHICH I WON~
To my recent business for nearly 10 years Toucan & Kitchen & Bath as an installer, designer & all office and sales, I am fluent in 20/20 design program. Closing down in 2006. just prior to the Economic melt down & my 3rd Divorce~AND SEVERAL JOBS IN BETWEEN THESE~and now I struggle to find ways to type with my outgoing, tough spirited southern drawl. lol
I have always had a very very matter a fact attitude I'll show you who I am & you show me who you are. I didn't want to believe that people lied. I saw what I wanted to see and understood what I was able to understand. I don't believe that questions, people & problems are as easy to see & explain as the big GUYS SAY they are. THINGS ARE WAY MORE COMPLEX THAN HUMANS CAN TRULY UNDERSTAND~GOD (CREATOR) IS WAY MORE COMPLEX THAN THIS WORLD CAN EXPLAIN~
B P, Aug 17, 2009
I have learned to take in AS MUCH INFORMATION AS I CAN HANDLE~AND GO TO MYSELF FOR THE ANSWERS~(MY HEART THE LITTLE GIRL IN ME WHO HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE I JUST COULDN'T GET TO HER~Society has a major impact on who we are and who we can be this is true. Look at what Society is up to now????
Society can brake a weak one real quick..
I am truly amazed that I lived to 49 and I CHERISH EACH BREATHE I TAKE IN~I laugh too myself when I realize how much I left out of this post...and the many experiences that GOD has put before me......THE GOOD THE BAD THE UGLY AND EVEN THE VERY UGLY....
As of this time to date I suffer right side neck & Back muscle spasm which bring on severe migraines. I have BATTLED Dr's over this for more than 20 years. They tried to tell me it was depression and fybroalgia and such I TRIED TO TELL THEM I AM IN PHYSICAL PAIN~my wonderful Chiropractor has discovered my head is off it's axis it has shifted all the way to the right. lol I said "no doubt lol I have three exes who would agree with you lol". he also says my right shoulder is dropping, a reverse curve in the neck an S between my shoulder blades and my right hip is tilting forward....And has begun to move into my face. We should be able to relieve some of the pain NOW THAT WE KNOW THERE IS A PROBLEM~(AWARENESS)
So the rest of this year is dedicated to physical therapy and chiropractic care~mentally and physically~
B P, Aug 17, 2009
I love what all the smart ones say an I learn & grow from the weak ones~MAYBE BECAUSE I USED TO BE ONE~
It is so very true we all have a tough life some have more good than bad and some have way more ugly than good......BUT Society believes people have control over their direction this may be true for some BUT if we are told nothing happen when the mind knows something did you can not repair it.
BUT from what I have experienced this is what I developed into I am AN EXTREMELY SPIRITUAL WOMAN WITH A LITTLE BIT OF RELIGION~language: I have creation in me.
I am a Beach Bum~Redneck~Preppie~Sister~Biker~ RAH RAH~ Chick~With a touch of Bunny Class~I LOVE EVERYONE AND WANT TO DO IT ALL~LET MY CREATOR LIVE LIFE THROUGH ME~
What all this is all about to me NOW is this: There is only so much of our own direction we can control when things of this nature occur......When we are told for years and years nothing happen YET our thoughts and our heart know that SOMETHING did happen it makes the perception of that little girl CHANGE>>>>>>>>>She is no longer the dancing & singing ballerina she so wanted to be she is now a 9 year old MOTHER IN DESPERATE SEARCH OF THE LITTLE GIRL WITHIN~Always making decisions to protect~defend and FIND that lost little girl some how somewhere......Now that I have found that little girl again~I am able to think and discern the difference between reality and PERCEPTIONS~it is what we have within that helps those who suffer~those who can remember have a better chance of control than those who block it from memory....In order to control our directions we must first heal our place at hand......listening to our inner voices is key but often muffled by the noise~VOICES~of fear & despair. Can not be heard you can not help one who does not see it themselves whether they are able to deal with it or not is THEIR direction their plate all we can do is plant seeds and hope for healing.......
B P, Aug 17, 2009
B. if nothing else your input helped me grow. Thanks for every letter for every word for every bit of light you've sent our way.
M
M D, 13 hours ago
Thank you so very much M.~Really thank you~
I feel like EACH AND EVERYONE OF US:
NO matter how much we think we know, we can and still should learn from and help another~If I offend 100 and help or even save the heart of one it is worth it~ I know I have been through hell but I REALLY know it is not all about me~I don't speak of any religion or political views~I have my own beliefs and believe everyone should be ALLOWED to have theirs~I have learned that if I live to be 70 years of age I will have had 3640 Saturdays in my life time I am 50 which means I Have less than 1200 left~I am going to laugh and help and cry and yell just as much as I darn well please~lol~
& YOU SHOULD TO~
YOU BRIGHTENED MY NITE M.~GOD BLESS~&GOOD NITE~
Bunster hugs~
B P, 11 hours ago
Now I dare you, that read this, to bring forth your experiences and comments to help the other readers grow in their soul.
Don't step back, it's dangerous, step forward...and pay it forward!